Sigh..*folds paper planes*

It's a slow night...very slow indeed...

p/s: Remind me to make an effort to make human contact.

Do I have this frown all the time? I can't help it. I always try to pull a smile, but I can't.

The one-week worth of "study break" was obviously not fully-utilized otherwise, I would not be struggling to complete my International Business text book now. My final paper for this subject is due tomorrow at 2.30pm, with only less than 18 hours in counting, would I be able to finish this book? I have not been sleazing in fact, I did read a few chapters when I was down in KL but sadly, with this bad memory of mine, and such low capacity I have, I can only shamefully admit that I have to re-read everything again!

Reinforced Concrete paper today. No words can describe how I feel, really. Was it tough? I wouldn't say so. In fact, it should be one of my upper hand this semester, but you screw your life when you are not focused. That's all I can say. Classes have been skipped, paper already taken. There's no point to being regretful. Just felt slightly irritated. I'm sure the outcome would have been different, if I were to be given more time. Alas, more time means more time to be wasted. Sigh. Humans, we ought to learn to be more contented.

I am blabbering. In need of a friend to talk to. It's hard to connect these days. In dire of human attention.

Looking all sweaty, because we were near the BBQ pit. Her mode of house-warming was to have a BBQ party. Well, her sister, and a few kids were simply excited with the idea. I can't remember the last time I attended a BBQ party, and seeing that I missed the recent one at Avinesh's, this is an open-hint for you guys to organize ANOTHER BBQ party and this time, I should be around! From what I gathered, this year could be the last year which everyone would be heading back the same time. Otherwise, it's graduation/convocation next year, and for all you may know, I might not even be in Malaysia! Well, slight exxageration, but who knows? Better not take the risk, eh?

I have so much to read, and here I am. Can someone tell me what's important, and what's not? I have this silly tendency to chew and gnawl on the book now.

The tomato-faced me you see, it's me, after 3 cans of beer. I get this blush very easily, and please, I wasn't drunk. People tend to misunderstand the tomato-face as being drunk already. PLease! I know when to stop if I need to. And the rest of the people you see in the picture, are her friends who came for the house-warming. Funny, entertaining friends, I would say. At times I would wonder why it's so difficult for us to get along. Is it because of the discrimination? Or is it just me being overly-sensitive?

I'm having blurry vision now. And now, back to my book, before I black out. I don't have time to black out tonight. Let me tell you what I'm reading at the moment..

"Developing effective pricing policies is a critical deter...zzzZZZZZZZZZZZ"

Look what I found........

- Trip to Genting, 2007.

People should learn how to give up being so discouraging, over and over again. 5 months ago, when it started, people came with their "wise" ideas, poisoning her mind, that such relationships are nothing, but mere mirages. A short-lived one, in fact. Nonsense about me not being able to provide, give whats and what-nots. I listened tentatively, agreed to some point, that I may not be able to provide certain things, yet at the same time, doubted that maybe, this relationship of such kind is indeed a mere mirage. We decided to ignore, give things a try, trying to prove the people out there, that we might be correct.
For 5 months now, I've learned enough. I am learning still. The ways to love properly. The ways to prove to the people out there, that there's really no point to hide behind the closet. I opened up. No more nonsense of being scared. No more nonsense of not owning up to who I am with. I changed. People around me saw the changes. I was happier. I am happier. I have not been so comfortable before until now.
I have friends and aquaintances around me who knew about my sexuality before. And now, it's more clearer than ever. One thing I've learned, that I need to stop taking into account of how people would view me. Too many opinions, too hard to please all of 'em. Thank goodness none come to me and say such horrendous things like, "You sure you can ah?" or "It'll not work at all.". Well, undeniable, some would try to steer me to the "right" path. Asking me straight to my face, "Your relationship can work meh?" or "You think 2 girls got future meh?" I would usually be polite by answering them nicely, with a smile.
Well, to be fair, I have my share of doubts as well. Being with a girl, is against the law, against the norm of nature, against the beliefs of my family. With all that said, such a path is difficult to take. And I'm one person who likes nothing, but going against all odds. And my boldest step was to bring her to the recently organized Prom Night. To an event where the crowd are 'straight'. To test the waters, taking a little off the limelight, giving her a chance to meet some of my friends.

I have a large group of supportive friends. They would sometimes drop a message, asking me to bring her along. They would love to meet her. And, I would hope that her friends would cut her some slack.
And to the guy who brain-lessly shared his point of views about me, please, I would love to prove you wrong.
 

I am...
(so not used to being back here, in UTP, I mean.)

Coughing ridiculously. Non stop. Feels like my lungs and throat are burning inside.
--Must be the weather.  

MaSCounting down to 5 days before the first paper, I'm actually starting to get nervous, get all panicky, and most of all, because it's the final semester, you really don't want to screw things. Yeah, you would say "Shut the fuck up, and get started already!". It's easy to say so, but come to my position, you would realize the ke-tensi-an after being away from books such a long time. Anyhooo..

It was just the right time for me to spend a week here in KL. Since it was Yenny's [insert right number]'s birthday, it was only right we gather to celebrate her birthday. A few calls were made, and there we were, gathered at Marketplace, one of the hyped gay place in the city. First time Joanne was in a "gay" club, but sadly, because it was a weekday, there was no crowd. In fact, we were the only ones in the club. It felt like we actually booked the entire club. 

It was a great excuse to come out and meet, and most of all, partied in a subtle manner.

Sam, Ferrari Low, Her friend, Cherrie, Yenny, Viv, Khian & Joanne, with her Choco Banana birthday cake. Which Viv actually insisted on getting her that particular birthday cake. I don't remember the exact amount of times she reminded us to buy chocobanana for Yenny, but yeah, it was uncountable already.

Marketplace is located near Jalan Yap Kwan Seng, offers fine dining as well. which explains the amazing nightview we managed to capture.

I'm still around!!
My whereabouts are pretty clear, where else can I be?

Ever since she shifted, or rather 'we' shifted to her new place, we've been finding suitable pictures to be put up into frames and hang around her room. However, unfortunately, we couldn't find anything suitable (or rather 'decent' enough..*wink! to ariff!* hehehe!) thus, the idea of getting our pictures snapped at her new abode.

I kinda like this one. I'm used to camwhoring, thanks to the 'experiences' with the civilians during class.

and this, almost perfect!

Looks like we owns the place right?  

Joshua and I were having a serious conversation last night when we talked about getting married before 25. I honestly think he WANTS to do so, ..not too long now boy! 2 more years for you! But I told him, that unless the government decides to legalize gay marriages, I think marriage is nothing but a mere dream. And I pursue to tell him that, in the gay context, getting married is really unnecessary, well, at least I would say for myself. Marriage is just a way the couples tell the public that they are hitched, legally. And if anything happens, well, in this case, a divorce, both would be protected legally. In this case, if there's any assets purchased, both would perhaps get 50-50 from the damage done. Well, I'm not saying that marriage is a total waste of time, money and energy, (perhaps it is!) but then, it shows how much you love your other half. And how far you would go to proclaim your love. 
After all that, I would say I know of people, who are never 'legally married' yet they trust each other so much, that they don't really need a paper to entrust the bond. Assets purchased under the name of the other half, even though they risk having to debate who gets what at the end if there's a squabble. We have to learn that getting married doesn't mean your relationship is insured. It only means less headache when it comes to separation later. And that's what I think. 

I should really get back to work.